Amazingly the appt with the shrink was fixed easily, swiftly and effortlessly. Gonna see a new one on Fri. She seems to be a believer too. Will this make a difference? Today, I remain calm but sad. Just not motivated to do anything else, apart from reading Alice in Wonderland in bits and pieces. Intrigued by the depth behind the symbolism unfolded in this seeming childish tale. Still have no friends to talk to or who’d approach me to ask what happened cuz this time, I didn’t hide stuffs. I was letting it out on IG. Still, no one I can talk to or who’d spend time talking to me. LOL!! Jesus, see, I did grab the initiative to offer genuine concern to my friends but I have no one there still. Wish I have a Cheshire Puss to talk to too. I think we’d be great friends.
Can’t sleep. Wonder if I slept too much this afternoon but I seem to be in a complete wreck within. Fearful of returning to work, fearful of facing people, fearful of completing tasks all alone. I am desperately in need of finding EXIT in this life. Right now, everything seems to be so burdensome for me. Booked an appointment to see the doc. Cannot sleep at all. In my mind, I kept replaying the moments and the two years that came crashing down on me that took everything I was ever proud of being. Don’t see myself fulfilling any purpose or any destiny, don’t seem to see any change in the next five to ten years and who knows, I may not be around too? But the thought of being drowned in despair from too much regrets kill a little of me each time I remember. When can I stop failing?